60 Funny Work Quotes To Get You Through The Day

Who says work has to be all serious and no fun? We’ve all had those days where we could use a good laugh to get us through the never-ending meetings and endless backlog of emails. But sometimes, the best medicine for a long day at the office is a good dose of humor. That’s why we’ve rounded up a list of the funniest quotes about work that will have you laughing out loud and nodding your head in agreement.

From cracking jokes about deadlines to sarcastic quips about office politics, these quotes are sure to make you laugh and maybe even make your coworkers chuckle. So, grab your coffee and get ready to add some humor to your workday. Here are some of the best and funniest quotes about work that will have you nodding your head and saying, ‘Yes, that’s so true!’

Related: Funny Life Quotes | Inspirational Book Quotes

Funny Work Quotes

1. “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” ― George Carlin

2. “Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” ― Robert Orben

3. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” ― Charles Lamb

4. “One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.”  ― Bertrand Russell

5. “Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” ― Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

6. “I will always choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” ― Bill Gates

7. “I used up all my sick leave, so I called in dead.” ― Anonymous

8. “When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” ― Don Marquis

9. “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” ― Douglas Adams

10. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” ― Edgar Bergen

11. “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” ― Mark Twain

12. “Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing.” ― Dwight Schrute, The Office

13. “There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.” ― David Letterman

14. “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” ― Sarah Brown

15. “An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.” ― William Castle

16. “Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” ― Sam Ewing

17. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” ― Mitch Hedberg

18. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” ― Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

19. “If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” ― Claude McDonald

20. “The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” ― Vince Lombardi 

Funny Quotes About The Boss

21. “My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” ― Anonymous

22. “Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.” ― Doug Larson

23. “By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day.” ― Robert Frost

24. “Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job.” ― Anonymous

25. “If you think your boss is stupid, remember: You wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” ― John Gotti

26. “Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” ― Earl Nightingale

27. “Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” ― Peter Drucker

28. “Powerpoints are the peacocks of the business world; all show, no meat.” ― Dwight Schrute, The Office

29. “It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” ― Dwight D. Eisenhower

Funny Co-worker Quotes

30. “Co-workers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” ― Anonymous

31. “Sometimes I feel like everyone I work with is an idiot. And by sometimes I mean all times. All the time. Every of the time!” ― Kevin Malone, The Office

32. “It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children.” ― Alan Alda

33. “Working with lazy coworkers is a test of your patience, problem-solving skills, and ability to resist facepalming.” – Anonymous

34. “I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend than be one.” ― Clarence Darrow

35. “I’m not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.” ― Franklin D. Roosevelt

36. “I don’t always tolerate stupid people, but when I do, I’m probably at work.” ― Anonymous

37. “Lazy coworkers: the unsung heroes of office coffee breaks and extended lunch hours.” ― Anonymous

Funny Quotes About Work That Are Oh So Relatable

38. “If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’” ― Dave Barry

39. “Sometimes, the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.” ― Anonymous

40. “Getting paid to sleep … that’s my dream job.” ― Anonymous

41. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!” ― A.A. Milne

42. “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” ― Oscar Wilde

43. “As I have gotten older and wiser, I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job: payday, lunchtime, quitting time, vacation time, holidays and, of course, retirement.” ― Tom Goins

44. “Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.” ― Anonymous

45. “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” ― Drew Carey

46. “My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” ― Anonymous

47. “The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to upset you.”  ― Anonymous

48. “I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” ― Jerome K. Jerome

49. “Sometimes I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.” ― Anonymous

50. “I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before. Try.” ― Jim Halpert, The Office

51. “I work hard all day. I like knowing that there’s going to be a break. Most days I just sit and wait for the break.” ― Kevin Malone, The Office

52. “Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.” ― Tori Filler

53. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” ― Robin Williams 

Funny Monday Quotes

54. “Why is Monday so far away from Friday and Friday so close to Monday?” ― Anonymous

55. “Employers are at their happiest on Mondays. Employees are at their happiest on Fridays.” ― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

56. “I always give 100% at work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday and 5% Friday.” ― Anonymous

57. “The shortest horror story: Monday.” ― Anonymous

58. “Don’t be a fool. Stop hating Mondays. Be a professional and hate the whole week!” Anonymous

59. “The first five days after the weekend are the toughest.” Anonymous

60. “Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness.” ― Anonymous